I’m still not sure if I’m going to follow through with a recent post that I wrote. I want my voice to be heard and my story told, but in the end all I really want is the opportunity to meet my son. Every day lost is another day that I can’t get back. Yesterday the results of the paternity test finally came back. I knew the results would show a DNA match but there was something surreal hearing it over the phone. I feel as though a small victory was won yesterday. A victory for myself, the adoptive family, and of course my Son.
Please understand that I realize that my son already has a Dad (and Mom for that matter) I would love to have more information available regarding the adoptive parents but at this time that isn’t possible. I don’t hold any ill will towards them whatsoever and I hope that they always know that. I feel like the term “birth father” doesn’t fit me. Therefore, at this time, I am choosing to ignore that word as it relates to me. I also don’t like term step-dad, or step mom, or half brother, step brother, birth son, birth daughter, etc. I love the word FAMILY or EXTENDED FAMILY! I believe kids prefer those words as well. I am a father, with three beautiful daughters. Some might say that I have one step daughter and two biological daugthers but you won’t hear that from me or my family. In fact, I tell my oldest daughter that she is extremely lucky because she has two amazing dads that love her.
What I’m trying to say is this; our family officially grew by one yesterday and it hurts me inside to still have so many unknowns. There are so many questions floating around my head. I wanted to write him a little something that hopefully one day he will see. I want him to know that I think of him every morning, afternoon and evening and that I love him.
I will pray for us
I pray that you will hug me
I pray that you will love me
I pray that you will want me
I pray that you will understand
I pray that you will admire me
I pray that you accept me
I pray that I can be whatever it is you want me to be
I pray that we will laugh together
I pray that we will learn together
I pray that we will cry together
I pray that we will have a chance to experience everything that was lost
I will pray everyday and hope my dream comes true.