I’m still not sure if I’m going to follow through with a recent post that I wrote. I want my voice to be heard and my story told, but in the end all I really want is the opportunity to meet my son. Every day lost is another day that I can’t get back. Yesterday the results of the paternity test finally came back. I knew the results would show a DNA match but there was something surreal hearing it over the phone. I feel as though a small victory was won yesterday. A victory for myself, the adoptive family, and of course my Son.
Please understand that I realize that my son already has a Dad (and Mom for that matter) I would love to have more information available regarding the adoptive parents but at this time that isn’t possible. I don’t hold any ill will towards them whatsoever and I hope that they always know that. I feel like the term “birth father” doesn’t fit me. Therefore, at this time, I am choosing to ignore that word as it relates to me. I also don’t like term step-dad, or step mom, or half brother, step brother, birth son, birth daughter, etc. I love the word FAMILY or EXTENDED FAMILY! I believe kids prefer those words as well. I am a father, with three beautiful daughters. Some might say that I have one step daughter and two biological daugthers but you won’t hear that from me or my family. In fact, I tell my oldest daughter that she is extremely lucky because she has two amazing dads that love her.
What I’m trying to say is this; our family officially grew by one yesterday and it hurts me inside to still have so many unknowns. There are so many questions floating around my head. I wanted to write him a little something that hopefully one day he will see. I want him to know that I think of him every morning, afternoon and evening and that I love him.
I will pray for us
I pray that you will hug me
I pray that you will love me
I pray that you will want me
I pray that you will understand
I pray that you will admire me
I pray that you accept me
I pray that I can be whatever it is you want me to be
I pray that we will laugh together
I pray that we will learn together
I pray that we will cry together
I pray that we will have a chance to experience everything that was lost
I will pray everyday and hope my dream comes true.
~Andrew Murphy
Murphy's Law 
Andrew – Beautiful prayer and I’m glad the DNA test is back and that you can proceed with what’s next!
Thank you.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. And even sorrier that this kind of thing can happen at all in this country. I will pray for the best, most positive outcome for both you and your family AND your son and his.
Thank you for the encouragement and for reading my post. I will continue to keep updating.
I also pray for all of those things for you. I am so very sorry that adoption has become a part of your life. And no… you are not a birth father. You are a father. A father who has lost a son to adoption.
Thank you Susie. I appreciate your support and for reading my story.
My (adopted) daughter told me tonight, “mom, I would hate you if you didn’t let me know my other family.” I think her feeling is not uncommon for adoptees and I hope your son’s parents realize that and allow him to know you.
It breaks my heart that this happened to you, your family and your son’s adoptive family. I cannot fathom a system where this situation is considered acceptable. I hope you can build a loving, trusting relationship to benefit your family.
Thank you for the kind words and support.
Thanks Sarah. I appreciate the support.
really wish the best for you on this,. The sams as you, in march 2010 i found out i had a 16 year od daughter, that had been adopted. I have yet to be able to enter her life, and her adoptive parents know of me. Please email, maybe you could offer insight and there may be a support we could offfer each other.
Good luck in the future.
I will email you and I appreciate your feedback.
Andrew, I found about your blog from Jenna’s a few minutes ago. I just want to let you know that we hear you and that many of us have friends who went through similar experiences. I’ll never forget the day I met my friend Giovanni for the first time (that was back in 1991, I think, in Brazil where I used to live). One of the first things he told me was that he had a daughter, and he pulled out this photograph of a 2 year old girl, blue-eyed, gorgeous. He was so proud of her and looked at that photo with so much love!
What I found out soon after, as our friendship grew, was that this little girl did not know he was her daddy. His family (particularly his mom) were in touch with the mother (who was a teenage mom, I don’t really know why she decided that my friend didn’t deserve to be in *their* daughter’s life), but he was not allowed to have direct contact.
Years later, when we had moved to the U.S. and Giovanni and his wife had too, we visited to get to meet his youngest daughter, who was 2. It was during that visit, back in 2006, I think, that I found out that he had finally been reunited with his oldest daughter. They hadn’t met in person yet (she was back in Brazil), but they had talked over the phone and skyped. He told me the story of how hard it was to reach out to her and let her know that she had a father who loved her very much (she was 15 by then). Giovanni has since gone back to Brazil and his two gorgeous blue-eyed daughters know each other and they are in touch. My heart went out to my friend during all those years in which I knew how much he longed to know his daughter and I was moved to tears when I learned that he was finally able to be in touch with her.
I pray that the same happens to you and your son… that your patience pays off and that you are able to be in reunion with him soon. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to be thrown unwittingly in the complex world of adoption, but I’m delighted that the Ohio Birthparents group is there for you. Reading Jenna’s and other birthmother’s blogs has been the most amazing learning experience that he internet has provided for me. I will be praying for you and following your blog.
PRAYER DO GET ANSWERED AND PATIENCE DOES PAY OFF, GOOD THINGS ARE TO COME.
Andrew….I will pray for you, your son and his adoptive parents. Just this year at 46 years old I met my original father (I don’t like birthfather either). From the instant I met him he was the father I had longed for my entire life. His parents had hidden my existence from him, I supposed to “protect” him. My original mother let him know about me when I was 13…he had no idea and she thought he had totally abandoned her.
Your son has 4 parents and always will. No matter what happens, you are a father to him. I wish I could talk to your son’s adoptive parents and share my insight with them. You are so important.
Thank you so much for the kind words.