Together as one

I know your life can go on without me, that you can be happy without me, that you can survive without me. But even if you turn me away, I will still choose to stay with you and be your sweetest stranger forever.

-Unknown

When this blog started I wasn’t sure when (if ever) I would have the chance to write about meeting my son for the first time.  Sure, I was optimistic it would happen but there were many nights I went to bed wondering if the day would ever come.  I knew there was much to do for my dream to become a reality and now I sit here just days away from meeting G for the first time.

My journey has turned into much more than I ever thought possible.  My wife and I have enjoyed getting to know G’s parents and we have developed a relationship built upon trust and friendship.  Their family enjoys the small things in life just like our family.  We have already met on three occasions, each time learning a little more about each other.  

At our last meeting, we joked about the fact that there really isn’t a guide-book out there for this situation.    I spent so much time trying to find a situation that matched mine – something familiar to connect with to help me deal with where I found myself.  All that searching served as a guide on what NOT TO DO!  

I recall reading many blog posts, or journal entries from birth parents, adoptive parents, and even adoptee.  All centered on anger towards the other side.  I recently read a blog post about a birth mom that had reunited with her daughter after 18 years.  She talked about how well the relationship was progressing with her daughter and how happy she was to reconnect with her.  But when the mother found out her daughter had reconnected with the birth father, she became angry and disapproving of her daughter’s decision to fly to meet the birth father.  Her anger eventually extended to the adoptive parents, accusing them of complicating matters with their own opinions on these developments.

The blog entry centered around the birth mother’s feelings of hurt, jealousy and anger; no mention of the bio daughter’s feelings.  This is just one story of many on the web about the struggles between adoptive parents and bio parents. 

Although every situation is unique, many of these conflicts could be avoided if the focus starts and ends with what is truly best for the child.  I think that is what has made my journey so great.  We are two families that both see the great things that can ultimately come out of such a complex situation.  Both families see this as an example set for their children on how to handle life’s curve balls.  There is no jealousy, fear, or pessimism.  Instead there is selflessness, bravery, and optimism.  We know we are writing our own guide and we are writing it together as a team. 

I still have many questions that run through my mind about this situation: I’m sure G’s adoptive parents do as well.  But what gives me peace is knowing that in spite of the uncertainties, we are blazing this trail together.

I am so excited for this weekend. I get nervous and happy just thinking about it.  We have planned the event at a park and it looks like the weather will be perfect!  It will be both families coming together as one.  It will be beautiful.  I know it.

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18 Comments ↓

18 Comments on “Together as one”

  1. Tommy July 20, 2012 at 5:11 pm #

    Woohoo! So happy for everyone involved. It will be a great day

  2. Rebecca Hawkes July 20, 2012 at 6:14 pm #

    I’m so happy to read about this development in your story! Best wishes to you and your son as you move forward from here!

  3. China July 20, 2012 at 10:39 pm #

    Amazing Andrew. Blaze glorious new trails m’man.

  4. Name July 21, 2012 at 2:36 am #

    Good luck. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. Veggiemom July 21, 2012 at 9:00 am #

    So very happy for all of you.

  6. Name July 21, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

    I am so excited for everyone and can’t wait to hear all about your day. I am keeping all of you in my prayers.

    “If you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance”.

    Very proud of you.

  7. Shelli July 21, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

    I hope the meeting goes well for you.

  8. Sarah July 24, 2012 at 12:32 pm #

    Congratulations, Andrew! Found your blog via BlogHer and I will be praying that the meeting goes well. I love that you now have a new extended family: a family that has been raising your biological son to the best of their abilities. I’m grateful to you (and to God!) that you’re so willing to keep EVERYBODY’s feelings in mind during this awkward, what-the-heck-do-we-do-when-there’s-no-manual time.

    You’re an inspiration. Good luck!

  9. Name October 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm #

    Not that is really any of our business but after reading your story this far, I am wondering how the visit went?

    • amurphy17 October 17, 2012 at 7:19 pm #

      Thank you for reading the blog pfeiferjill and sorry that this blog hasn’t been updated. I plan on posting a new entry very soon. The visit went awesome and I will be posting soon I promise. Have a blessed day.

  10. everyoneactdead December 18, 2012 at 2:53 am #

    you are a truly wonderful human being father. that’s so great you have a relationship with your son and his family!

    • amurphy17 December 20, 2012 at 12:24 am #

      thank you. I’m just doing what is right and following my heart.

    • everyoneactdead December 20, 2012 at 6:48 pm #

      oh gawd. haha. i meant “human being and father.” duh!

  11. catfishmom January 10, 2013 at 5:23 pm #

    I didn’t get to meet my original father until I was 46 years old. We both missed each other it seems. You and your son are so lucky, as are the parents who are raising him….they are doing what is best for “Your” son first and foremost…so happy for all of you…

  12. Shannon July 19, 2013 at 1:14 am #

    amurphy, I love your blog. I am looking for your contact information. I’d love to talk to you about blogging for our website. Thanks, Shannon

    • amurphy17 July 20, 2013 at 6:49 pm #

      Thank you Shannon. I would love to hear from you. Our family vacation in Canada ends in a week. Feel free to email me at amurphy17@me.com or call 614.519.7828

      I would be interested in learning more about your blog.

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