I know your life can go on without me, that you can be happy without me, that you can survive without me. But even if you turn me away, I will still choose to stay with you and be your sweetest stranger forever.
When this blog started I wasn’t sure when (if ever) I would have the chance to write about meeting my son for the first time. Sure, I was optimistic it would happen but there were many nights I went to bed wondering if the day would ever come. I knew there was much to do for my dream to become a reality and now I sit here just days away from meeting G for the first time.
My journey has turned into much more than I ever thought possible. My wife and I have enjoyed getting to know G’s parents and we have developed a relationship built upon trust and friendship. Their family enjoys the small things in life just like our family. We have already met on three occasions, each time learning a little more about each other.
At our last meeting, we joked about the fact that there really isn’t a guide-book out there for this situation. I spent so much time trying to find a situation that matched mine – something familiar to connect with to help me deal with where I found myself. All that searching served as a guide on what NOT TO DO!
I recall reading many blog posts, or journal entries from birth parents, adoptive parents, and even adoptee. All centered on anger towards the other side. I recently read a blog post about a birth mom that had reunited with her daughter after 18 years. She talked about how well the relationship was progressing with her daughter and how happy she was to reconnect with her. But when the mother found out her daughter had reconnected with the birth father, she became angry and disapproving of her daughter’s decision to fly to meet the birth father. Her anger eventually extended to the adoptive parents, accusing them of complicating matters with their own opinions on these developments.
The blog entry centered around the birth mother’s feelings of hurt, jealousy and anger; no mention of the bio daughter’s feelings. This is just one story of many on the web about the struggles between adoptive parents and bio parents.
Although every situation is unique, many of these conflicts could be avoided if the focus starts and ends with what is truly best for the child. I think that is what has made my journey so great. We are two families that both see the great things that can ultimately come out of such a complex situation. Both families see this as an example set for their children on how to handle life’s curve balls. There is no jealousy, fear, or pessimism. Instead there is selflessness, bravery, and optimism. We know we are writing our own guide and we are writing it together as a team.
I still have many questions that run through my mind about this situation: I’m sure G’s adoptive parents do as well. But what gives me peace is knowing that in spite of the uncertainties, we are blazing this trail together.
I am so excited for this weekend. I get nervous and happy just thinking about it. We have planned the event at a park and it looks like the weather will be perfect! It will be both families coming together as one. It will be beautiful. I know it.